In a recent Facebook post, I asked you to tell me what you’d like to read about.
Lauren wrote in that she’d like me to address boy’s names on girls. All the good ones are getting “stolen” by the ladies, including Cooper, Declan, Lachlyn (sic) and Noah.
At first I thought I’d give it a pass. After all, it was an original Deadly Trend, and I mostly prefer to write about my favorite names rather than harp on dislikes.
But times change and tastes change. As my children grow, we know more and more little girls with names like Connor and Blaine, Warner and George. Yes, George. And they’re DARLING little girls. You know what else? I like their parents too. So it’s caused me to rethink the phenomenon, and question the possible different motives for giving daughters masculine, or if you like — “gender neutral” names. The answer is more complicated than meets the eye.
Top 5 Reasons Why People Choose Boys’ Names for Girls, and Why We Should Give Them a Pass:
1. It actually does honor family. This is my favorite reason to use a surname or masculine name on a daughter. Daughters should carry on the family name just as much as sons. My answer to this was to give both my own daughters multiple middles that include my surname.
2. You reject the notion that anything in this world is gendered, including names. This strikes me as forward thinking, appropriate to this global age, and truly modern. My second favorite reason.
3. Surnames connote wealth. On Pamela Satran’s recent article on Gatsby being the next fictional name, I had a little google for the character list of a novel I haven’t picked up in 15 years. In addition to my beloved (and memorable) Daisy, there was a name I’d long forgotten- Jordan, on a woman. From the description (again, my memory fails) ’A competitive golfer, Jordan represents one of the “new women” of the 1920s—cynical, boyish, and self-centered.’ I don’t know that parents aim for the “self-centered” part, but somehow, nearly 100 years after the novel was published, the modern “new woman” appliqué still rings true for many.
4. You think it sounds strong. This is actually categorically the opposite reason as #2. If a masculine name connotes strength and a feminine name connotes weakness, what does that say about our views of women in general? Should we just all wear muscle shirts, shave our heads, and take steroids? Wear a suit and tie? Start swearing like sailors? I’m not sure I understand this reason, but I *think* I get it.
5. It sounded good. It’s hard enough for two people to come to a consensus on one thing. Who are we to take away their favorite name just because it falls into a specific category? While “sounding good” is not enough for those of us who long for meaning and history, it is perhaps ultimately, the most important thing in choosing a name. It’s one you may say hundreds of times on any given day, and you have to love it. If that name for you is Walker or Emmett or Elliott and you’re thinking pink, then more power to you. Just don’t expect cheers from the current crop of name nerds.
Do you have strong feelings on this topic one way or another? Did you choose a boys’ name for a girl, and if so, what were your reasons behind the choice? Parents of boys, have you seen your sons name go to the other side?
{ 93 comments… read them below or add one }
I JUST got off a business call with a woman named “Troy”. I think that’s awesome! What was odd is that she is Chinese and lives in China and her name is Troy, not that she’s a woman
I have 2 younger cousins, ages 13 and 16, and they each have a female friend their age named Chandler. And I had a girl at my high school named Justin (not Justine).
I never had a problem with boy names on girls until I found out that baby #4 is a boy. Now I am frustrated by the fact that on top of having to find a name that blends well with my three girls, sounds good with the surname, and will age well, I also have to consider if this name will become a girl name by the time he enters college. Certain boy names seem to become “unisex” and then switch teams entirely to girl names. It would be rare today to find a little boy named Kelly, Lindsey, or Shannon. In twenty years, one could guess, that it would be rare to meet a little boy named Avery, Morgan, Dylan, or Addison (I hope I am wrong on this since I LOVE Morgan and Addison on boys). DH and I have already nixed several names because of their potential to become girl names and so the hunt for a boy name is further complicated.
That said, I do know some really adorable little girls/beautiful women with names like Dylan, Addison, Avery, Jonah, Christopher, Stellan, Tristan, Ryan, Lochlan and in almost every instance the name suits them well.
Same frustration here. It has really cut down the list of boy names to choose from. I was hoping I was having a girl this time but I’m on the hunt again for boy #2. Girls are soooo much easier to name!
Ahhhh, don’t take George for the girls! You already have Georgia. I get George as a nickname for Georgia or Georgina, so the girl might really just go by George. But having a George, I like it as a male-only name.
It was me who spotted the 3 year old girl Cooper this week. I kind of hope there’s a good story behind the name – like it’s a family name or something, as it does make me go “Ohh?!” a little.
I guess surname names make more sense as gender neutral, but I tend to favor traditional, old-fashioned names and I prefer to see them on the ‘traditional gender’. So I guess I’d be more shocked at a girl named George, than a girl named Cooper.
That’s interesting that the name Jordan goes back that far and as a woman’s character name. I have a 27 year old brother named Jordan and so it was always a male name to me, then I met a female Jordan, when I was 19 and she was older than my brother. Now I hear the name mainly on younger girls.
Anyhow, I do think parents should choose their favourite name for their child – even if it is a ‘boy name’ for a girl. It just will lead to some raised eyebrows and possibly confusion when someone sees the name written down before meeting the child.
This makes sense to me for the same reason that I refuse to wear pink. Think about it-why are boys names given to girls SO much more than girls names to boys? Why is it that once girls “take” a boy name it’s no longer good enough for boys? i.e. Leslie. And why are guys who wear pink weird, while it’s perfectly acceptable for ladies to wear blue? Our societal mental image of femininity is weak, inferior, silly, less intelligent, and needing to be taken care of; while masculinity is strong, good sense, provider and protector. It’s makes sense for women to try to be ‘as good as’ men, but it doesn’t make sense for men to take the “downgrade” toward femininity. As long as that is what femininity means to people, it makes sense to me to avoid trapping your daughters in it as much as possible
Amen, sister!!
Incredibly well said!
I, too, LOVE my friends and their little girls Evynne, Parker, Riley, Stephen (swear), Michael, Presleigh, Ryan, and Carson BUT boys names on girls really irks me. Maybe it’s because I live in the south and I feel like girls with boys names are more prevelent here than other places (I know 6 little girls under the age of 4 named Riley/Rylee/Ryleigh, etc. NONE of whom are named after anyone).
I also don’t like when people name their daughters boys’ names and claim that they are “gender neutral”. I don’t dislike gender neutral names (Bailey, Toni/Tony, Alex), my aversion is based on the fact that the name is usually a boys’ name used for a girl – to me, that’s not gender neutral.
I’ll never forget the ridicule I received from Carson’s mom when I mentioned that if I ever have a son I would consider naming him Lee after my mother-in-law. This idea BLEW her away because she couldn’t understand how I would want to name my son such a “girly” name. I can’t imagine what her remarks would be if I were to tell her that one of my top 5 names for boys is “Ashley”!
I love the name Ashley for a boy and it’s getting less common (I think) for girls! I do agree with your points also.
Oh! And I forgot to name the newest little princess in my circle of aquaintences: Hunter.
Sigh.
I have a lot to say about this topic because I am a girl named Tyler! I’m in a family of three girls and both of my sisters have traditionally “masculine” names as well (Cody and Spencer). Since I’ve grown up with this name, I tend to forget that it’s such a weird notion for some people and takes them time to process. In school, I’ve had substitute teachers assume I was pulling a prank on them when taking attendance. I’ve often been put on all-boys teams by accident. My little sister got a Gilette razor in the mail on her 18th birthday, congratulating her on her ascent to manhood (for which I am slightly jealous — I’d love a free nice razor)! When I was little, as a lover of all things pink and frilly, I’d often grow frustrated that Tyler-monogrammed souvenirs and the like were blue and covered in basketballs and skateboards. Also lots and lots of people make assumptions about why we all have “boy names.” They ask if my parents wanted boys (nope) or if the ultrasound technicians thought we’d be boys (nope) or if my forward-thinking parents decided to choose one name regardless of gender (nope — if I had been a boy, I would have been Harrison). The truth is that my dad thought Tyler would be fun for a girl, my mom agreed, and then they decided to keep the pattern going for my sisters. Frankly, I love my name. I don’t mind when people get confused; it just makes for a fun story to tell in the future. I think it has nice clean lines and just makes me more unique. Plus, whenever I meet another girl with a “boy name”, we immediately have this fun connection to bond over. Oh, and for the record, we all have really “girly” middle names (Faith, Lauren, and Rose).
I don’t mean to ramble, but I love that you addressed gender-swapping names and I’m interested to hear other people’s viewpoints on it!
My stepdaughter is Tyler Renee & I love her name, it’s unique. She used to always complain about it but as she’s gotten older has grown to love it. I think Tyler sounds like more of a girl name than a boy anyway,
By the way you two, both Renee and Lauren are also male names that have been hijacked as female names. So is Leslie and Sahsa and ….Only in America!
I would never use a gender ambiguous name – for girl or boy. I grew up with one and it was a pain in the butt. I still get mail addressed to “Mr” and my name is quite common on females now.
I think there are so many wonderful, strong FEMININE names out there that it is a shame to use a masculine name.
This trend drives me crazy (as a woman whose beloved grandfather is called Bryn Aubrey, who felt that she could use neither name on her sons to honour him without running the risk of ridicule). I’d buy the ‘let’s break down the silly boundaries of gender’ argument more if the mothers of girl Bryns and girl Aubreys were calling their sons Emily and Charlotte, but they’re absolutely not. It’s still impossibly hard to be a boy named Sue, even if you can be a girl named Bernard.
I think it annoys me for two very different reasons: firstly, it disregards the entire etymological origin and history of those names, and often smacks of cultural misappropriation. (My grandparents are Welsh. I do not think they’re wildly amused by American appropriations of Evan, Bryn, Dylan, Morgan, Rhys etc as girls’ names. These are the kings, heroes, saints and gods of the Welsh past, and they make great boys’ names if they don’t get entirely co-opted as girls’ names – and yes, there are PLENTY of great feminine Welsh heroines as well.) And secondly, there’s just a far, far bigger pool of girls names out there, and it seems that when a boy’s name gets adopted by parents for their daughters, it never goes back. Anyone know a masculine Meredith? Because it means ‘great lord’, or something similar. I only have boys, and it was frustrating combing through the name books only to find that so many great names were now considered girls’ names only.
I wish that when people were searching for strong names for their daughters, they thought of the strong women leaders, scientists, artists and soldiers of the past and named their daughters accordingly. I’d rather see a ‘Joan’ or an ‘Elizabeth’ than a ‘Cooper’, personally.
Completely agree. This is the frustration I felt when naming my third boy, and the reason I asked for a post about it.
I completely agree! I always feel like I might be a bit too judgemental when it comes to boys names on girls. But in all honesty, if there were more regard for history of names, and an acceptance for boys to be named Charlotte or Ruby, then I probably wouldn’t care so much. It just feels so hypocritical to me.
It somewhat pains me to see Marlowe used as an exemplar at the top of this post. My daughter’s name is Marlowe June. Admittedly, my husband and I wanted to stay away from cutesy, overly girly names but we find Marlowe to be a strong, feminine name that will age well. We went with Marlowe rather than Marlo precisely because we felt it looked more feminine!
Funny – Marlowe was at the top of my boys names list not long ago. I never even thought of it as a possibility for a girls name, but now saying it out loud and forgetting the history of the name, I can totally see that it works as a girls name because it does have a soft sound.
Our oldest son is names Lachlan. We chose a nice strong name for him with regard to his Scottish roots. I also prefer strong names for girls..,.but not boy names, simply strong women from our past or present. I would hate for my sons name to become feminized by the time he reaches adulthood. There are so many great names out there:)
I completely agree with “T” above. I’ve always liked female names for females and male names for males but have become more and more annoyed as our 3rd child (in utero) is another boy- I’m not sure we can come up with yet another fabulous, not super-trendy name with a good meaning that isn’t used by family members or turning into a cross-over name. I am acutely aware of this because my nickname (which I’ve desperately tried to get rid of!) is Jeri and i’ve been mistaken for a boy at least once (despite the more feminine spelling). I like boys and girls being seperate. I believe there are differences, but that doesn’t mean one is better than the other. And if I was hired for a job I would want it to be because of my work abilities and ethics not because they thought I was a boy based on my name- though maybe I am naive and old-fashioned.
I do have to admit that some used-to-be-boy-names are cute on girls but I do think it’s gone a little far. But family names in a middle name position is something I might do if given the chance.
One of my closest friends from my 1980s childhood is a girl Jordan. Back in the ’80s, this was undisputedly a boy’s name. In a classroom full of Elizabeths, Laurens, and Jessicas, the name Jordan was mistaken everytime for a boy. Funny how nowadays, I would be surprised to hear of a baby boy Jordan.
(FYI I’m almost sure that her parents got the idea for her name from the character in Gatsby)
As a same sex couple, my partner and I struggled for a name for our daughter. I wanted a name that would definitely have nickname options. We agreed that her name should age well with her. The sticking point for us is that we did not want her to be the girl with two Mom’s with a boy’s name. After much thought and discussion, she was named Olivia Mae.
I certainly don’t mind gender neutral names. I know female Bailey’s, Camryn’s, Hayden’s and Cooper’s but in terms of our family going with a feminine name was the best choice for us. To each his own…
I don’t understand this. Some names are truly unisex to me, Bailey, Taylor, Morgan, and surnames as first I can understand as honoring family. But there are so many strong feminine names. Choosing a boy name for a girl is essentially declaring that feminine and strong are not compatible. Elizabeth, Catherine, Alexandra, Victoria, Isabella (think of Isabella the She Wolf of France, not Bella Swan), Caroline, Scarlett, all of these beautiful strong feminine names have belonged to beautiful, strong, smart feminine women. There’s no reason to appropriate, say, Michael because you think girls’ names don’t sound strong enough.
This trend really irks me. I understand if it’s a family name but otherwise, to me, it comes off as turning your daughter’s name into a political statement or trying too hard to be unique.
It bothers me a bit because I have a Sam, which is being given to girls right left and center now. I don’t want it to be the Ashley of our generation!
As the parent of a Bryn born in the US before the advent of the internet (not all that long ago…), I’m a little dismayed at the assumption that I “stole” a male name. We only had name BOOKS then, which all listed Bryn as feminine. Somehow I was aware that it had been a male name in Whales, but since it was listed in the “Girl” sections of the books, I assumed it was male in the same way Leslie and Vivian were male. I had known several Bryn’s, and all of them were female. The name also was similar to a family member we were trying to honor. Now, of course, I realize that all those name books had LOTS of mistakes in them, but I certainly didn’t have any way of checking the information then. I also have realized that there are many names that are feminine in one country and masculine in another. (Andrea, Sasha) So, we need to be aware that “male” and “female” aren’t always as cut and dried as some people would like to think.
WHALES! You mean WALES!
It’s interesting you say that surnames connotate “wealth” in the US, as here, using surnames and “boy” names on girls are considered lower-class. Criticisms of this trend here tend to be snobbish, and accuse parents of being the “T” word. Conversely, using a “feminine” name on a boy is considered rather stylish and hip.
I think it’s because using “American-style” names is considered to be lower-class, while “British-style” names are considered middle class.
It’s rather silly when you think about it, and one of the main reasons I get irritated with people who are violently anti “boy names on girls” (as it’s basically just snobbery).
It does show that what names “mean” can be very culture-specific though.
I think that’s a really interesting point, and while I often compare the Australian [Vic], US and British lists, it never really eventuates to such an eloquent position on the topic! Here in Australia, it’s definitely more fashionable to favour British trends over American ones, and I think that’s reflected in our popularity lists. The fastest risers on our lists seem to be mostly vintage, and sweetly feminine; Ivy and Eloise, Poppy and Violet, Alice and Olive.
I’ve resigned some names – like Madison, Addison and Ashley – to the boys, but as someone whose taught numerous classes from preschool to grade six, I’m yet to come across a little girl called Dylan. I would still expect Riley, Bailey and Shannon to be boys as well. I live in a fairly trendy inner suburb of Australia’s second biggest city, and for me personally, to come across a little girl with a ‘boys’ name isn’t that common.
♥
IMO the surname/boy-name-on-a-girl trend is no longer “upper class” in the US either. True, when my generation was born it was and some people lagging “behind the times” may still think so. In general I think that general styles of names are most “upper class” a generation or so before they become mainstream. Right now it’s the “vintage” names like Lily before described that appear to be most fashionable in the upper class, not the surname/unisex ones which were a generation ago (and are now decidedly mainstream to lower class). Going back another generation, I noticed that many Baby Boomers who have Biblical names not common when they were growing up (but have since become so) hailed from the upper class as well (the 70s/80s revival of that style of names launched the trend into the mainstream, which is still going on especially for boys).
Well, particularly in the South, AUTHENTIC surnames are still big in the upper class. It’s appropriating random surnames in a blatant effort to sound upper class that seems tacky.
I also agree completely with T, who said everything in my head much better than I could have. One of the main reasons I would never use a boys’ name for a girl (or really, vice-versa) is that there’s no way I’d want a gender neutral or boys’ name for myself. I’ve always been very shy, and I can’t imagine the added burden of having to explain my name for everyone, that extra conspicuity.
And I think it’s also a sort of instinctual thing for me. Etymology and history matter quite a bit to me, and seeing a name on the wrong gender is almost like seeing a misspelled word or a grammatical error in a book. It’s sort of irrational, I know. But I fully admit to being a name snob, and proud of it.
Well that’s intellectual snobbery, not social snobbery, so it doesn’t bother me!
You know what? I’m okay with, understand, and could even see myself giving – although this last one is very unlikely – most of these reasons. Number Four, however, just drives me round the feminist bend. Oh, so Parker or Greyson is a strong name for your strong woman, is it? It’s strong because it’s masculine? Yes, because the women who’ve held every female name before, they just contribute to making it a delicate little girly choice, who couldn’t cope with a job or anything of weight. It’s not as though Elizabeth and Catherine and Margaret and, heck, even Florence and Emmeline and Isabella, have had any notable and STRONG bearers, have they? Grrrr. Okay, rant over!
Lola
I’m not a fan, in general, of boys names on girls. What’s funny, although I rarely think of my name this way – even when discussions like this come up – is that I have a name myself that was traditionally used on boys (Robin). Outside of the States, I believe it is still a man’s name in most cases. And it just doesn’t ever cross my mind that I have a “strong, masculine” name. I suppose it will be the same for the Taylors, Marlowes, and Jordans of the next generation or so.
Also, I reject the idea that if we care about raising strong women who can stand on equal footing with men in this society that we should give them an edge with a “masculine” name. If that is the point, then all we are really doing is bowing to the idea that femininity equals weakness and inferiority…and trying to mask that weakness and inferiority by making our daughters more like the men we wish they could be. If you like the name for another reason, that’s one thing…but masculine does not equal strength and feminine does not equal weakness. It makes more sense to me to try to change the attitudes inherent in the system than it does to…work the system, I guess you could say. I guess parents just figure that’s not going to happen in one generation. And they may be right. Still…as a reason to give a boy’s name to a girl, it just rubs me the wrong way. It’s a reminder, I guess, of how far we still have to go.
I wonder what ever made parents start moving away from feminizing male names for their daughters (Joseph to Josephine, Henry to Henrietta, George to Georgia, Robert to Roberta, etc) and pushed them to start giving their daughters purely male names?
(Come to think of it, would these feminized male names be more suitable for parents wanting to give their daughters a more “gender neutral” name so that their daughter could CHOOSE to be called Henry instead of Henrietta if that’s what she desired as she got older?)
Also, do you think today’s more “modern” boys names could ever be feminized in future generations? (Colton to Coltina or Coltine?? Easton to Eastley??…I’m NOT creative at all so these were the best examples I could think of.
)
(Sorry if my excessive comments are becomming annoying, but this topic has really grabbed my interest.
)
I think you make an interesting point about “Colton” to “Coltine”, etc. I have 2 nephews, both 4 years old, both named “kaden” and I think it will be a very short ammount of time until this is considered a “girl” name. Funny, because I had never heard of it at all until my first nephew was named, so at that point to me it was neither a “boy name” or “girl name”, I didn’t think it was name at all!
Re: “gender neutrality” – I’ll buy it when it cuts both ways, but these parents never have sons named Margaret. There’s a LOT more of #4 going on than #2. I appreciate your attempt to be fair about the subject, though.
As the mother of a Luca and a Remy (both boys!), I must say I do get frustrated by the trend of giving traditionally male names to girls. As others have mentioned as well, my main gripe is that when I hear of a girl named Luca or Remy, I assume that the parents have little to no knowledge of the history of the name, and no regard for its cultural origins. A female named Luca would be met with disbelief and derision in Italy, as would a female named Remy in France, and I feel that these names are only ‘accepted’ as female names in countries such as Australia, England and the US because there is a belief that names with an ‘a’ or ‘y’ ending sound inherently female and names with an ‘o’ ending sound inherently male.
As more and more people over here (in Australia) and the US are giving their daughters the name Luca, I receive an increasing number of comments along the lines of ‘Luca? I thought that was a girl’s name…’. That drives me crazy!!
I also agree with the comment that WaltzingMoreThanMatilda made about class and the trend of using surname names in Australia versus the US. It’s interesting how these trends are viewed in different countries around the world.
Remy IS actually used as a girl’s name in France – it’s just less common. The French are REALLY broad-minded about gendered names, believe me!
I would love to see some evidence of this, as according to several French friends, it is only known as a boy’s name in France. Not that I don’t believe you, but according to my French friends, it is a very male name, and not one they are used to hearing on a female…
I have a 3 year old Boy named Casey. Drives me crazy when I have to explain to people that the name Casey is a traditional Irish BOYS name that means “Warrior” which dates back to the late 1800′s. For Gods sake, if you want a girl named Casey at least spell it in the feminized version which is Kacey.
DRIVES ME NUTS!! Now I just have to find a name for my little girl and all the good ones that I loved as a young girl (Olivia and Ava in particular) are off my list because they are too popular. Now I have to find a name that I like that I feel won’t be the next “Bella!” Names are so hard!!!
I think the problem is that we all scrawled lists of Ava’s and Olivia’s as tweens so now it’s been a first come, first serve for our now our generation as parents. I still even have some of my old lists but most are sadly beyond taken so that I find them annoying now. Maybe anniyed mostly b/c they are taken. I used to love Aiden and thought it was so unique back in 1992! Ha! Nowadays I bend toward classic names; hence, my 3 year old son Miles Garrison. But now I need another classic boy name! So hard.
Unless the name’s crossed over to the extent like Ashley or Madison has, my suggestion is go ahead and use the name(s) you love for a boy even if a few girls may also have it! Don’t give in and let the name slide entirely to the pink side! (I’m a guy with a “crossover” name myself.)
My neighbour’s daughters are named Dylan and Ryan…and the first time I met them I was *slightly* confused at Ryan’s actual gender because she was wearing gender neutral clothes and honestly…she was 3 years old and at that age boys and girls could still look alike! If it wasn’t for their mom using the word “she” I would still be confused to this day
Anyhow I think the use of some typically male names are wonderful for girls.
I know sisters named Dylan and Ryan too.
I know two sets of brothers names Dylan and Ryan
oops… I meant named!
I wouldn’t have noticed your mistake if you hadn’t pointed it out.
I’ve thought about this a lot. I think part of the solution lies with the parents of boys. If parents could relax and continue to name their boys Kelly and Robin and Meredith (which, by the way, I think sound great on boys), instead of crying “Oh, run away! It’s a girl’s name now that I saw it on a girl” then there would be no “stealing” to complain of, only sharing! Honestly, girl name flight reminds me of white flight — the idea that one black person moving into a neighborhood means that all the white people have to move out since it’s clearly now a black neighborhood.
I wish there was a ‘like’ button for this comment. Exactly! I think I get a little crazy with everyone complaining about parents taking over boys’ names by using them on girls. We are sensitive to people defining ‘strong’ as ‘masculine’ for their little girls, but no one seems to mind when parents of boys run from any hint of feminine influence for fear of the name’s image being weakened. Girl Name Flight is a perfect explanation of the concept!
Tell that to our husbands! I am trying to name a boy and he turns down any name that has taken on a girl connotation for fear of his son getting teased by his peers. I think he does go overboard and rules out great (in my opinion) names like Riley and Morgan, but I do have to admit that teasing would most certainly be a reality for a male Ashley or Lauren.
Some of these reasons I truly don’t have a problem with- family names are great in my book. But I don’t like the argument that of rejection of the notion that names should have a gender because it doesn’t go both ways. There are plenty of girls named Aubrey, but when’s the last time you met a male Audrey? I think unless you’re willing to name your son Chloe, you shouldn’t name your daughter Madison claiming it promotes gender equality.
If I had a daughter, I’d want her to embrace her femininity AND be strong. Being female isn’t something to conceal or be ashamed of, so why hide it with a masculine name? Isabella and Seraphina can embrace their feminine names and still be football players or engineers.
On the bright side, it should be entertaining attending weddings in fifteen years’ time or so when all the Jadens, Rileys, Dylans etc start to marry each other…
There is an old (outdated, really) tradition of naming girls with masculine names dating back to the Middle Ages in the British Isles. For instance, a girl might be named after her father James. This would be entered in the baptism records under its Latin, feminized form — Jacobina,say, or Jacoba, but in real life the girl seems to have been called James. This was particularly common in Scotland, where there are girls on record called James, Christopher, and Stewart. (Hard to tell if that last one might be an upper-class family advertising its genealogy/power by using a famous last name from its lineage… ).
To be sure, I don’t think most modern parents are purposefully reviving this tradition.
I think #2 and #4 are essentially the same motivation. Do people not feel their daughters can compete on a resume if they sound feminine, or if it is somehow obvious they are a woman? Surely it’s possible to be feminine and successful. Giving a gender neutral name so that one’s child can compete in the world seems to be saying the exact opposite.
Very interesting post, btw!
I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the examples given. There are some names that just need to stay with girls and vice versa.
I think certain names like Jordan, Avery, Addison and Morgan have been used as girl’s names for so long (or at least so often) that I don’t even think of them as boy names anymore. Riley, too – the only male Riley I know is a cat! But Cooper, George, Evan…I still want them to be for boys.
All 4 of my kids have names that you’ll never need to question their gender. In the end, the person, regardless of their name, determines the path they take and the person they become. Your name should never hold you back from doing what you want.
I love the name Ashley for a boy and it’s getting less common (I think) for girls! I do agree with your points also.
Wow! I did not know how many strong opinions I was in for when I started reading these comments! I’ve always thought myself discerning when it comes to names (working with preschool-age kids makes spotting trends easy), but I think I’ll need to start infusing a little more grace into my opinions (even if they’re only kept to myself).
Mine is a family name and, in the few occasions when I’ve seen it used as a first name, it is more often used for males. I was very shy growing up and now see that having to speak louder and repeat myself was incredibly important for me. I also think it helped me be less forgettable. I know my name isn’t completely relevant to the conversation though, as it’s hardly climbing the charts for either males or females.
I think that most people put a lot of thought into naming their children and it seems arrogant to try to tell people “Hands off of _____ because it’s only for ____!”
In other news, I linked to your blog from a comment left for Melanie of YouAreMyFave.com and babble.com who recently announced a pregnancy. You should link up with her about names – I’d love to see a list for Melanie and Ryan!
What I don’t understand is that it seems like most people are against this trend, yet it is still catching on like wildfire. After just reading the comments, there were very few that supported this trend. Is it just that we name nerds are also name snobs? (I think I probably am.)
I only like these names on boys, because guess what, that’s where they come from. To me, a boy names Ashley, Carey, Lindsay, Paris, Kelly, Riley, Kelsey, Dana, Tracy, Kennedy, Bailey, Shea, Madison, Aubrey, etc, sounds distinguished, classy, whilst on a girl I think it rings kinda cheap and low class.
Unless I see boys getting named Emma, Mary, Ruby, Scarlett, etc, then I’m not on board with this trend that has been going on forever, and doesn’t seem to be slowing down.
I feel pretty indifferent to this trend as a whole, for me it just depends on the individual name. I think I prefer masculine names on girls over feminine names in boys, usually. Some little girls I know with “boys” names are Jordan, Clancy, Arlo, Luca… Actually come to think of it, I know a lot more boys with typically girls’ names.
I have to heartily disagree with #2. It does not reject gender at all. I think it just reinforces the idea that being male is the default and masculinity is superior to femininity. If gender really didn’t matter, you’d choose a name without gender at all. Something made up or a nature name that is not in use for either gender. Or a truly gender neutral name, of which there aren’t many. Or you could use masculine names for daughters and feminine names for sons. But who does that? I think that is the bit that bothers me the most, that it is so one sided. There is a double standard.
I honestly don’t mind the use of family names, but I guess I am pretty hard-nosed about it beyond that.
The part about all the gender bending names that frustrates me is that parents “want a strong name” for their girls. There are so many old, historied string names that are decidedly feminine. I also want strong names for my girls. I have strong names on my boys too. Hopefully one day I can have a Margaret and Helen to join my George and Gilead. Hopefully.
My son’s name is Rowan, a name that is certainly getting picked up by the little girls. I don’t know the numbers, but just anecdotally it seems to me that the girl Rowans are outnumbering the boy Rowans these days.
I think the name is beautiful for boys and beautiful for girls. People don’t hesitate to use gender-ambiguous names for girls, but it seems they do hesitate to use gender-ambiguous names for boys. That implies to me that it’s still more acceptable for a girl to incline towards the masculine than for a boy to incline towards the feminine. That, to me, is disappointing.
Kudos to you for having a little boy with a name that is going a bit female lately and *not* minding! celebrating it even! Right on!
I just don’t understand why it takes a name off the table for a boy when it becomes unisex or starts going more female, especially if it’s a name with a long history of being a male name! Is it so terrible to risk sounding feminine? Why? Really, what is it? Is it the teasing potential? Kids get teased for their names all the time; what is it about *this* teasing that seems so awful? I fear the answer. Wren, Robbin, Aubrey, Rowan, Bay, Piper (even Pearl)..all of these are great on little boys and girls.
Both genders are strong, sensitive, kind, confident, soft, robust, delicate, bold, etc. These are human traits, not gender specific traits. And a name connotes any of these based on it’s meaning or the virtues of the people who’ve worn it in the past, not which gender it’s historically been part of. I think gender is real (even if only socially constructed–social constructions are real), and we can appreciate the differences between genders and celebrate them, but that doesn’t account for this phobia of the too-feminine name for little boys. Reserving historically male names for boys and using historically female names for girls doesn’t seem to be as much about celebrating femininity and masculinity as it is about guarding boys from *any* association with femininity.
So yeah, giving a little girl a masculine name to make her sound “strong” is insulting to women, but so is steering clear of any name for a little boy that is shared with little girls! Both of these practices send exactly the same unfortunate message about our opinions of women.
I say give those boys some “sensitive” names… especially if you love the names!
Love this: “Both genders are strong, sensitive, kind, confident, soft, robust, delicate, bold, etc. These are human traits, not gender specific traits. And a name connotes any of these based on it’s meaning or the virtues of the people who’ve worn it in the past, not which gender it’s historically been part of.” Thank you.
Right on!
Yes, Yes, Yes.
I agree with many of the above posters– as the mother of a boy, it’s already so hard to come up with a usable name without having to worry about it being appropriated by the girls side. There are so many wonderful, strong girls names that it seems like overkill. I thought we were safe with Arlo… Whoops!
Also, as someone with a “gender neutral” name or whatever you want to call it– I’ve always wished for a more feminine name. For a very long time, it bothered me to get mail (ha I just typed male) addressed to Mr. Casey my last name– and yes it happened a lot (and still does, even with my married name!). I also remember being mortified in high school when a teacher who preferred to call us all Mr./Miss Last name called out Mr. when taking role. Even now in my professional life, I have to deal with awkward corrections when someone I’ve been communicating with via email mistakenly thinks that I’m a man. It’s just annoying.
I really like boys names on girls. High on my list for my daughter (born in August) were Ian and Spencer. We finally decided on a strong feminine name, however–JANE.
Ian? I think that’s a little too far of a stretch. It’s a Scottish form of the name John. Spencer is fine, but I think Ian is taking this trend a little too far.
I love when “girls have boy names” and “boys have girl names”. The big trend with my preschool class is that my girls have masculine middle names (James is very popular).
My mum is named Terry…maybe that’s why I don’t mind “girls having boy names”!
My brother is Kym – which could also be a girl’s name albeit usually spelt Kim. I doubt my parents named him that *because* it was a unisex name, but it obviously didn’t bother them that it could be either. I don’t remember him being teased about his name either. So, I don’t think just because a name is used by girls that, that prohibits it’s use for a boy.
2nd comment!
I was just thinking about the show Sisters from the 90s. The main characters were adult sisters – Alex, Teddy, Frankie, Georgie and, eventually, Charley. Alex even had a daughter named Reed (the sisters’ maiden name). I know it wasn’t necessarily a “trend” like it seems to be now, but it just reminded me that there really is nothing new under the sun!
Weren’t the male nicknames for the sisters, e.g. Alex for Alexandra, Teddy for Theodora because the father wanted sons? Which is a bad reason to name your daughter Theodora!
I loved that show!
I do think it’s unfair to say that parents of boys just need to relax. Names do have gendered connotations, and clearly these meanings can change over time, but it isn’t easy to use a name that has been appropriated as a girl’s nickname. It’s much easier to pick a male-gendered name with soft connotations (Julian, Theo, Leo, et al.) if that’s what you’re going for. I actually consider Jules to be a strong/hard name, but Leon was a better fit for my son. I still haven’t taken Jules off my list if the next baby is a boy, however.
So I encountered an interesting name moment last evening. A 20-something-law-student new mama named Logan. Her baby boy was Kalin (kay-lin). In the course of conversation she said she had brothers but no sisters. I was really struck bc the only other Kaylin (real spelling for her name) I know is a girl.
i also wanted to add that at my son’s preschool there are 2 Kaia’s. the teachers refer to them as ‘Kaia girl’ and ‘Kaia boy.’
Where are you? You haven’t updated in too long!!!
E my son Sam has a good friend named Sam…who is a girl. They’re Boy Sam and Girl Sam whenever they’re together.
I really don’t like this, although I think Jamie is cute for a baby boy. My cousins name is Jami Mavis.
i have 3 girls (including a set of twins) & 1 boy. one of my twins has a surname not commonly used as a first name as her first name and her twin sister has what has become a more common and more feminine name. we say her first name is the jennifer of her generation, and that was the most common name is my grade school when i was a kid. my son has an irish name that has become trendy in the u.s. & my youngest girl has a feminine name. i obviously don’t have a problem with “masculine” names for girls, but i didn’t go into it thinking i was purposefully giving my daughter a “stronger” name. i just really liked it. (i don’t share my kids’ names online, so i’m sorry i won’t name them here.)
I think it’s soo wrong when boys are given girl names and girls are given boy names. Like naming your son Dana or your daughter Kyle. This is a major pet peeve for me. I believe that names that are feminine usually end in a vowel and boys names usually end in a consonant. Like Aimee, Katie, Heidi, Joanna…etc Boys names however..David, Tony, Richard, Adrian end in consonant. This is a trend that needs to decline. They’ve found that naming boys girls names makes them more inclined to get in trouble and the same goes for girls. This is something they have to live with forever (or until they decide to pay to get their names changed) . Please don’t name your son/daughter a name that might make them feel embarrassed…or make them think “what the f&*k were they thinking?
My daughter’s name is Hannah Jael; both two very strong, biblical names. There are plenty of strong yet feminine names to choose from, including ones with real meaning like ones from the Bible. Parents don’t have to give their daughters a boy’s name to make her strong. It just confuses people and when she asks why you named her it, you won’t have a very compelling reason other than it sounded good. Boys should have boys names and girls should have girls names.
My little girls name is Lenny Willow. I loved Lenny (we get some strange looks sometimes – which I kind of enjoy) and I thought Willow balances out the male sounding name. I truly think that once you let go of the preconceived idea of Lenny for a boy, it has a pretty sound to it.
That’s a cute name on a girl I like it
Name your child what you want if you hear a “bobbie” for a girl when its so close to “bobby” used for a boy get over it quit being judgmental its not your kid to name just worry about your kids. There are female names out there that some people think are just ugly. Seriously its just a name one that the child has the right to change when they get older and who is to say they wouldn’t do that if they have as so much trouble being called a “jordan” there are plenty of males out there with the name “angel” n that sounds more like a girls name. why is it ok for a male to have a female middle name such as lynn but not if it was his first? if the kids are having issues in school due to their name they can talk as a family and change it if it comes down to it but seriously stop being so judgmental and hypocritical because id bet money that the people that annoy you by doing this is someone you hold dear to your heart and you end up loving the child the way he/she is regardless of his or her name..
This conversation seems to be on the older side but I just wanted to add that Luca actually is a girl’s name in Hungarian. Additionally, although many names are traditionally considered for just boys or just girls, the vast majority of names have meanings that could fit both genders. I know a lovely little girl named Marlowe and her name fits her well (she “looks” like a Marlowe and maybe that’s just because she’s been called that all her life but I can’t imagine her as a Jessica or a Rachel). It just means “driftwood” so who’s to say it’s a boy’s name?
I’m Mommy to an almost 5 year old daughter named Addyson. Originally our plan was to call her Addy (hence the spelling). Some people call her Addy, I don’t just because it didn’t stick for me. I had always been one to dislike unisex names, I discouraged the names Casey and Peyton for 2 of my nephews (sisterly advice won and I’m an aunt to Ross & Eli instead). Now I find myself tentatively planning to have another child and I’m googling “surnames used as girl names” because I can’t imagine going back to an exclusively female name for any daughter I may have in the future.